Glitter Fight
by StBridget
Summary: Andromedan sparklers aren't as harmless as they seem. AU Xeno-files. Crack.


**Hawaii Five-0 is property of CBS and its creators.  
**

 **A/N: Another take on the prompt from FanFiction Fanatics on FB: He showed up on his doorstep, soaking wet, bruised, and covered in glitter. I got to thinking how that would fit the Xeno-files verse, and this little piece of crack emerged. :)**

Steve McGarrett opened the door to find his partner, Danny Williams, standing on his doorstep, sopping wet, bruised, and covered with glitter. "What the hell happened?" Steve had sent his anti-smuggling team, Five-0, out on a simple mission to confiscate a shipment of smuggled species from the Andromeda system. Steve had wanted to go with them, but he was still healing from an encounter with a Centaurian wolf (which made and Old Earth wolf look like a chihuahua). Steve had insisted that he had regained full range of motion, and his back, where the majority of the scratches were, barely hurt at all. Danny had stood firm, though, pointing out that his back was still held together by upwards of a hundred stitches which weren't due out for another week. So, Five-0 had gone in without their fearless leader. Steve had consoled himself with the fact that it was a milk run. Apparently, he'd been wrong.

Danny sighed. "I don't suppose you're going to let me in."

"Hell, no," Steve said, emphatically. "You'll get glitter everywhere."

"So, I guess that means a beer's out," Danny said, looking pathetic—and rather ridiculous considering the sparkly stuff coated his face and hair.

Steve hesitated. Danny really did look like he needed a beer, and Steve was dying to hear the whole story. "Go out on the lanai," he relented. "I'll bring it out to you. Then you're going to tell me everything. _Every last detail_."

True to his word, Steve met Danny on the lanai a few minutes later. He passed Danny the beer and settled into the chair next to his partner. "This was supposed to be a piece of cake," Steve said. "How in the hell did you end up like _this_?" He indicated his partner's bedraggled, and shiny, appearance.

Danny took a long drink of his beer. "It would have gone smoothly," he said, "but the smugglers just had time to let loose one of the smuggled animals before we arrested them."

"But what animal does _that_?" Steve asked. Then it dawned on him. "The Andromedan sparkler. But they had a lot of other nastier creatures they could have let loose. I mean, didn't they have a scorpupine?" Scorpupines were exactly what they sounded like, a cross between a scorpion and a porcupine, with the scorpion's stinger and a porcupine's quills. They were also six feet long and extended four feet in the air. They were extremely nasty. Andromedan sparklers weren't.

Danny seemed to sense his thoughts. "Apparently, sparklers aren't as harmless as they look. . ."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Five-0, freeze!" The four members of Five-0 stormed the vessel, catching the smugglers in the process of unloading. The one closest to the boxes of Andromedan creatures lunged for a box before Kono Kalakaua, one of the task force members, tackled him. She was too late, though. She just managed to leap out of the way, dragging her captive with her, as the creature burst from it's confinement.

Danny stared in amazement at the 10-foot creature that had emerged. It looked like a cross between a caterpillar and a butterfly, wings sparkling as it fluttered them. It also looked harmless. "What the hell is that?"

Chin Ho Kelly consulted his tablet. "Andromedan sparkler. Herbivore. It's main defense from predators is to expel a cloud of glitter. The glitter is quite prized, which is why they're hunted."

"Doesn't sound very dangerous," Danny said, just as the creature let out a high-pitched keening painful to the ears, and shook itself. As advertised, a cloud of glitter billowed it. It was far from harmless, though. The thick cloud got in their eyes and throats, causing them to cough and obscuring the creatures tail as it lashed out and caught Danny unawares, slamming him against the bulkhead. Danny could just make out the last team member, Lou Grover, as he raised his gun. "Don't shoot!" Danny hollered. "It's endangered!"

"Tranq gun!" Lou shouted back. He fired, and the dart connected with the creature. Instead of felling it, though, it just made the sparkler mad, and it charged at Lou, leaving more glitter in its wake.

"Shoot it again!" Danny cried frantically, reaching for his own gun but unable to get a clear shot through the glitter.

"I've got an idea!" Chin shouted. He darted for the hose the smugglers had apparently been using to hose down the cages, turned it on, and aimed it at the creature. The spray caught the sparkler full on, turning the glitter from a cloud into a waterfall. Chin had succeeded in clearing the air, but now the floor was a slippery mess. Kono attempted to struggle to her feet, only to lose her footing and fall back down. Danny was a little surer on his feet, managing two steps before slipping. "Ow!" he howled.

That got the sparkler's attention. It turned towards Danny, lowered its head, and charged, catching Danny just as he gained his feet and sending him crashing against the bulkhead once more.

That gave Lou a chance to aim his gun once more. The second dart hit the sparkler, and it squawked in surprise before crumpling to the floor.

"Steve was right," Chin said wryly. "Piece of cake."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So, that's how you ended up on my doorstep, soaking wet, bruised, and covered in glitter," Steve said.

Danny took another swig of his beer. "That pretty much sums it up, yeah."

Steve could think of a million things to say, some scathing, so not, but settled for a neutral "I see". All things considered, Steve was just as glad he'd sat this one out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Art anyone? :) Stbridgetff at gmail, H50xenofiles on FB. Also, I'm looking for creative creature names. I just keep appending system/planet names to Earth creatures, but I'd like something more creative. Then again, the names make sense for an Earth-centric society.


End file.
